The smell coconut oil, the grit of sand between her toes, the warm sun on her face, Gladys took a deep cleansing breath. She could hear waves crash and though the moment was otherwise silent, her memories could hear children shriek with laughter.
“Glorious,” she said, breathing in the salt air, the silence, the peace. She sat on a bench by the boardwalk, watched the waves of the Atlantic Ocean crash to shore. This was perhaps the most important decision of her life, and she wanted to dress for the occasion. Her bright red lipstick matched her purse, belt and shoes. They accented her yellow floral print dress.
The season was poised to start, just as Gladys sat poised to step into her new self. Everything was silent and still. Her mind strayed to summers long past when she and her husband and daughter built sand castles, splashed in the surf, then napped in the sand while the sun dried their suits and tanned their skin.
“Mom!” her daughter called from behind her snapping her out of her reverie. She turned toward the voice.
“Kate,” she said smiling brightly. “I’m so glad you made it. You’re just in time. Look, isn’t it beautiful?” she said pointing her nose toward the sea.
Kate was shaking her head as she approached.
“Mom, I did not get here in time. We weren’t meeting here. I’ve been looking for you all night!” she said. “How did you get to Atlantic City?”
“I Ubered it,” she said holding her head high.
Kate gaped back.
“You Ubered it? How do you even know what Uber is? Since when do you use it as a verb?”
“Oh, Kate, get with the times. This is what the young people are doing these days,” she said with a dismissive wave.
“Mom, you are not a young person and you cannot just take off whenever you want.”
Gladys turned back toward the horizon. “Agree to disagree,” she said squinting into the strengthening sun.
Kate rolled her eyes. “Here. I brought you a sweater and you left without your orthotics. What are you wearing?”
“Those are old people clothes,” Gladys replied tossing them aside.
“Mom, what are you doing? Those are…”
“Will you stop a moment? Just stop, be quiet and look at how beautiful that is.” She gestured, smiling. Kate hung her head and sat down next to her mother.
“Mom, I can’t keep doing this. You have to stop.”
Gladys’ jaw clenched, her body stiffened and she drew a sharp breath.
“Stop what? Living? You need to stop following me around like a nursemaid. I’m not going to sit around waiting to die,” she said.
“I don’t expect you to,” Kate said.
“Yes, you do!” Gladys snapped back. “I’m older. I’m not infirm. I’m perfectly capable of handling myself. Our family spent so many happy summers here. Don’t you remember? Who are you to tell me I can’t come back to say goodbye? I don’t need your permission. If I were living in my own home, you wouldn’t even know I was gone.”
Part of her wished, not for the first time, she had listened to her son-in-law when he offered to help with her finances. Lord knows he’s more reasonable than his wife, but Gladys resented being told what to do and how to do it and of course Kate would never have allowed him to do it in peace. She would have to stick her nose in it. Gladys was glad it was all gone. The money she lost was part of a life that was no longer hers and she was happy for the clean break.
Everything was topsy-turvy. Somehow Gladys had become the petulant child and her daughter had become the strict parent who didn’t understand. That’s why she had to walk away. That’s why, finally, she was ready to step out into a whole new life. The answer to her prayers came in the mail a few days ago. She needed a ceremony of sorts to mark this turning point, closure some would say. Atlantic City was the right place to do it.
“That’s what worries me, mom. Do you know why you’re not living in your own home anymore? You can’t handle yourself. Do you remember why you are stuck with me?”
“Don’t talk to me like I’m a dim witted three-year old with a hearing problem. You mean why you are stuck with me. No, please, remind me again, Katherine Jean. Tell me all about how I ruined everything. I blew it. I lost all my money because I listened to that quack. I forget. Tell me.”
She gave Gladys that condescending look that says I’m being patient with you because you don’t understand that I’m right and you’re wrong, but I’ll explain it again. Gladys wanted to slap that look off her face.
“Everything dad worked for is gone.”
“Everything dad worked for? What about me? I was raising you. You don’t think that was work? I will not have this thrown in my face time and again.”
“I’m trying to help you,” Kate growled.
“You’re trying to control me,” Gladys said, her voice quivering. “Keep me still and quiet until you can bury me and be done with it. It’s payback for the times I kept you in the highchair so I could have a moment’s peace, isn’t it? Chrissakes, Kate, I had to mop the damn floor! I wasn’t hiding in the closet with a beer like Mrs. Foyer next door!”
“What are you talking about, mom?”
“Forget it. You can’t keep me tied down. I won’t stand for it. I made a mistake. Do you want a list of yours?”
“Your mistake cost you everything, so now I guess we’re both stuck.”
Gladys sat shaking with anger and frustration but she came her for a reason and dammit she meant to see it through. “I am not stuck and I will not be your problem anymore.”
“What does that mean?”
“I came here to say goodbye to this life. I’ve said goodbye to your father. I might as well say goodbye to you too.” Gladys picked up the urn that had until an hour ago contained her husband’s ashes and threw it into the trash bin.
“Is that dad’s urn? You are not leaving his ashes here, Mom. You have no right. I can’t believe this. I can’t believe what you’re doing. You just throw them into the trash? You’re out of control. You’re incapable of thinking for yourself.”
Decades of dealing with her daughter taught Gladys that when Kate got loud and high-pitched, responding in a low whisper got the best result.
“I had every right and it’s already done so there’s nothing for you to control here. Save your crocodile tears for someone who doesn’t recognize them as such.”
Kate pulled the urn out of the trash bin and realized it was already empty. She looked at Gladys and Gladys looked toward the surf.
“You had no right. He was my father.”
“He was MY husband. It may surprise you to know that he and I were married long before you came along and lived a life together long after you’d grown and gone. I knew him better than anyone and I know this is what he wanted.”
“You could have told me. We could have done it together.”
“This was my time, with my husband. You would never have agreed to it and it wasn’t any of your business to stop me. This, like most things in the world, has nothing to do with you.”
Kate exploded.
“You have taken everything from me. Dad’s money, which should have put Nick through college…”
“Put Nick through college? Put your own kid through college. We already put you through college.”
“Dad’s ashes, which I intended to hold on to…”
“Well, their gone now. Let go. I have.”
“I don’t even have my guest room anymore where I did my sewing and reading and…”
“Sewing and reading? Well, I am sorry to have taken that from you. I’m going to tell you something, Miss Kate. Coming here today was both the most painful and the easiest decision I have ever made. I’m sorry your father died and not me. No wait, no I’m not. Sorry, not sorry. He died and I certainly didn’t wish it on him and I’m sorry that he didn’t get to live longer and that you have to miss him but do you want to know the truth? I’m free. For the first time since I committed myself to a life of service when I said ‘I do’ I’m free. I wouldn’t trade my life with your father, but I won’t sit and let the clock run out on it either. He’s gone. I’m not. And you know what else? I’m glad. I’m glad that the pension and the house and all of it is gone. I’m glad. For the first time in my life I’m not obliged to anyone. For the first time in my life I am free to be me and do whatever the hell I please, starting with no more old lady clothes.” Gladys picked up the sweater and orthotics and tossed them into the bin too. “So thank you for your hospitality, I will be leaving your home shortly, and I won’t be back. Soon you will be free too. Do take care.”
She picked up sequined shoes that glimmered in the growing sunlight as she stormed barefoot to Kate’s car, got in and slammed the door.
Kate had no idea what her mother thought was happening “shortly” and she was certain it was nothing anyway. She got in the car and slammed her own door.
“Want to stop at Chubby’s for ice cream? My treat?” Gladys asked as though nothing had happened.
“I had to take off of work. I’ll have to make up the time,” Kate replied starting the car and putting it in gear.
“Well, let’s go then. One of these days you’re going to look up from your work and you’re going to be me and your son is going to try to lock you away.”
Sitting in the car they faced the sunrise. Kate buckled her seatbelt then reached to help her mother. Gladys swatted her hand away then looked up into her daughter’s face, her countenance changed. She turned toward the sun, nearly fully above the horizon now.
“Look at that, Katie,” she said. “Isn’t it beautiful? We spent a lot of happy summers here. Do you remember? I have so many fond memories.” She patted Kate’s hand. “Let’s go home. You need to get to work.”
Beth Fisher 